... I don't really have more questions. [ For Vash, people are dead. Knowing the details won't change that and it won't soothe his heart. ] I guess the only question I'd ask is if Rin suffered during his last moments, but it may be something you won't be able to answer. Or anyone.
[ He rubs his neck. ]
Why I came was to check on how you're feeling, but I can listen if you wanted to tell your side of what you know. Whatever you want to say.
Life is a series of complicated problems... And we have to choose.
[ And Buzen has made his choice. Vash doesn't say it's the wrong or right choice, though. They can't turn back time. ]
Every action has its reason and I think every voice deserves to be heard, in spite of what sins committed. But! We can also chill until something crosses your mind.
[ . . . . he'll just listen to this thoughtfully, and nod. it's not something he disagrees with, honestly. he respects vash for it.
so he'll explain]
I found out yesterday. I nearly killed the person who told us on the spot, but then realized that would still force us through a trial. But I couldn't even say anything at trial, because the rules threaten you if you make it easy.
The threat isn't clear. If it's just me that would've been broken, I still would've done it. If it was our team - I would've hated to do that to them, but I would've done it. But... I couldn't risk that the consequences would've been on all of us. [the mods really had to fucking hang this over our heads]
So I did everything I could - but I know I'm not that smart. I know that my best still wasn't enough. People were hurt and frustrated and panicking for so long - and even though I had the answer, I wasn't allowed to say it. I hated it.
I expect people to be mad. I expect them to be upset—but I don't want them to think I was trying to protect my team for even a second. [not when he was throwing them under the bus at every turn he found] If there's anything I want to say... it's that.
I still want to help people - I'm just sorry it wasn't good enough.
[ Vash is quiet, thinking it's interesting how Buzen thinks. Swords are very human in different ways and yet they of course think so differently than humans. However, he's met some very odd people, too.
In the end, he doesn't feel anger to hear all of this. ]
Hey... You did what you could with what you had.
[ He reaches over and touches his shoulder. ]
Your best is still your best and I saw you were trying. We were overthinking it. [ ... ] It's better that we overthink. We have to take it seriously. Someone's life is on the line, after all...
So I thank you for your hard work, Buzen. I think you did well! You helped.
[ . . . buzen will accept the shoulder touch - but vash will feel that he's still very tense, like bundled up energy that has nowhere to go. the thanks and everything manages to make him look more confused.
he's lost all over again.]
.... I think that's really nice of you to say, Va-san. I'm still - trying to figure out if I agree.
Despite being so different, you and Matsui are a little similar. [ It's hilarious to him. ] You don't have to agree with it. It won't change what I think, anyway.
I'd ask if you wanted to go for a run since you're so wound up, but you want to stay close to Matsui, right?
[the sentiment manages to pull some of his humor from him, a little tired smile]
Well, if anyone's histories are tied together, it's ours. I guess that makes sense.
But... yeah - he might call for me once he's done with his chats, so I should stay nearby. He won't let me repair the rest of his damage until tomorrow, so he can't even text me if I wander off, so.
they're gonna pitter patter.... and buzen genuinely looks like he's feeling better from it - even though he's a little pale. someone didn't get tummyache healed. whatever.
still, he whispers to vash:] Thanks, Va-san. I think I needed this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I understand most of them. I really do. If you have more - then I'm here to help.
[a beat]
I hope you believe me.
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[ He rubs his neck. ]
Why I came was to check on how you're feeling, but I can listen if you wanted to tell your side of what you know. Whatever you want to say.
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I wasn't there. I didn't ask for the details - I didn't want them. Maybe if I got them, I could've figured out how to help better.
[it would've been even more of a betrayal to his team, but he would've done it. it's fine.]
I don't know... what I want to say. It feels wrong to try to explain myself, when I still did something horrible.
[for the first time he gets how matsui feels?]
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[ And Buzen has made his choice. Vash doesn't say it's the wrong or right choice, though. They can't turn back time. ]
Every action has its reason and I think every voice deserves to be heard, in spite of what sins committed. But! We can also chill until something crosses your mind.
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so he'll explain]
I found out yesterday. I nearly killed the person who told us on the spot, but then realized that would still force us through a trial. But I couldn't even say anything at trial, because the rules threaten you if you make it easy.
The threat isn't clear. If it's just me that would've been broken, I still would've done it. If it was our team - I would've hated to do that to them, but I would've done it. But... I couldn't risk that the consequences would've been on all of us. [the mods really had to fucking hang this over our heads]
So I did everything I could - but I know I'm not that smart. I know that my best still wasn't enough. People were hurt and frustrated and panicking for so long - and even though I had the answer, I wasn't allowed to say it. I hated it.
I expect people to be mad. I expect them to be upset—but I don't want them to think I was trying to protect my team for even a second. [not when he was throwing them under the bus at every turn he found] If there's anything I want to say... it's that.
I still want to help people - I'm just sorry it wasn't good enough.
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In the end, he doesn't feel anger to hear all of this. ]
Hey... You did what you could with what you had.
[ He reaches over and touches his shoulder. ]
Your best is still your best and I saw you were trying. We were overthinking it. [ ... ] It's better that we overthink. We have to take it seriously. Someone's life is on the line, after all...
So I thank you for your hard work, Buzen. I think you did well! You helped.
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he's lost all over again.]
.... I think that's really nice of you to say, Va-san. I'm still - trying to figure out if I agree.
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Despite being so different, you and Matsui are a little similar. [ It's hilarious to him. ] You don't have to agree with it. It won't change what I think, anyway.
I'd ask if you wanted to go for a run since you're so wound up, but you want to stay close to Matsui, right?
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Well, if anyone's histories are tied together, it's ours. I guess that makes sense.
But... yeah - he might call for me once he's done with his chats, so I should stay nearby. He won't let me repair the rest of his damage until tomorrow, so he can't even text me if I wander off, so.
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It'd be too distracting if we just run around inside the cathedral, huh.
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his eyes flash a little with hope....]
... Maybe if we run quietly...
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In socks...?
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sheer speed at which he's trying to unbuckle his boots rn]
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So they can legit pitter patters around in the cathedral with a blind Matsui somewhere in the pews, talking to people who come visit him, I guess. ]
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they're gonna pitter patter.... and buzen genuinely looks like he's feeling better from it - even though he's a little pale. someone didn't get tummyache healed. whatever.
still, he whispers to vash:] Thanks, Va-san. I think I needed this.
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Too bad you still look like shit. Do you want a piggyback ride one lap?
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[
wobbles slightly]
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[ Vash is nice, but he's still a shit, so he will take advantage of Buzen being sick to win. win what they're not even racing ]
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I'm never slow....!