[ i wish you luck nu in trying to take death into your own hands
Vash legitimately would rather not see Haruka go up there, but what can he do when the cards will play out as they do. Then it sounds like he wishes to be up there. ]
It's fine. I can't wait around for someone to make choices for me.
[ so many people have tried to protect him, or whatever, and for what? why? because he's a child? they're almost all dead. or they die trying. even at that stupid carnival, he'd ended up alone. sometimes you just have to make decisions for yourself, even if they're bad and make you and everyone else feel like shit, because all the choices you have are terrible.
[ In the end, Vash has to accept it. Listen... The splitting up in that carnival was unintentional, but yes. Sometimes all you get are bad choices, but Vash wished they weren't all bad.
I don't think anyone else would tell me the truth.
[ but, well—he's lied too. after a moment, he sighs, stretching out aimlessly. ]
...It doesn't matter anymore. That's not what I'd be mad about, anyway. Nahri—you can tell me this much. She wasn't just buying time at the end, right? [ with how she was acting. ] That was genuine?
[ Vash isn't going to say he wouldn't lie because he would, but he wouldn't lie about this right now. All about context and predicaments. ]
She loved Shenhe—so when she was erased, Nahri wouldn't eat, sleep, or take care of herself... It was a struggle for Wolfwood and I to get her to take even one spoonful. Then she and Fei Du were close.
It didn't help that she's convinced Gerard killed Shenhe, then... [ Well, you know. The trial. The verdict, etc. ] She felt that your team was taking everyone she loved.
I don't think it was an act. She... She's gone through a lot, even at home.
[ he looks down like even his eyes are weighed with guilt. but he doesn't flinch, or look surprised. ]
...We know. [ EVERYONE KNOWS ] I don't want to kill people, thinking that they'd be missed the least. But we all saw her grief. I know it's our fault.
[ he knew nahri would be hurting after this, too. there would always be someone. he was never going to choose a target based on how easily forgotten they would be. it never once crossed his mind that fei du was unloved. ]
...After trial, I was angry. Not about whether you'd killed. Not that people were upset. Just that, if you had—I had those thoughts. That someone could use that hurt and distract from all the other murders. And it made me mad because— [ ... ] I've done a lot of bad things now. But I've never used my feelings for Rin like that.
... All we can do is theorize here because I'm not Nahri and I can't say with confidence why she acted how she did. What I know is that if we killed, she wouldn't have known. If she got to that conclusion and took it upon herself toward the end, then she left that out when we talked to her about her behavior earlier. It could have been a part of it when Ylfa spotlighted Wolfwood's lighter... but...
[ Well, as he said, he only knows as much as Nahri told him. ]
I wish Wolfwood and I weren't going through it with our apathy stuff so we could have better consoled and handled her.
[ Just runs his fingers through his hair, weary and emotionally spent. ]
She doesn't think any of you want to talk to her. [ IT WOULD JUST BE TWO, VERY SOON. ] Being the middleman is kinda hard and awful.
[ ...some of the tension in him drains, just a little, before he nods. even if it's speculation, he's probably right. he shouldn't be out here assuming the worst of someone anyway.
he goes quiet when the hurt and confusion settles a bit, letting out a deep, slow breath. ]
Yeah. Sorry. But I don't think she wants to talk to me either.
[ so vash is gonna have to be the one stuck in the middle!! he is not communicative enough to try and fix this situation. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Not feeling a swim?
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I have other stuff on my mind today. [ besides swimming. for once! ]
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[ But apathy really shot them both. ]
Want to talk about what's on your mind?
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[ it really would've been a wasted effort on thursday. he shoots him a bit of a look. ]
Are you sure you should be here? Your team was upset.
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[ It's hard to say for Wolfwood until he talks to him after trial. Apathy curse really shooting them all. ]
You're going to execution tomorrow, Haruka.
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[ he looks briefly upset before he schools his pokerface again. ]
I know it's what we deserve.
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Vash legitimately would rather not see Haruka go up there, but what can he do when the cards will play out as they do. Then it sounds like he wishes to be up there. ]
No one asked to be here.
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[ they didn't decide to be here. but they still make decisions, ones that have consequences. ]
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[ He closes his eyes. ]
I just wish... You all didn't have to.
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It's fine. I can't wait around for someone to make choices for me.
[ so many people have tried to protect him, or whatever, and for what? why? because he's a child? they're almost all dead. or they die trying. even at that stupid carnival, he'd ended up alone. sometimes you just have to make decisions for yourself, even if they're bad and make you and everyone else feel like shit, because all the choices you have are terrible.
anyway. ]
Did you guys really kill Shen Qingqiu?
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[ In the end, Vash has to accept it. Listen... The splitting up in that carnival was unintentional, but yes. Sometimes all you get are bad choices, but Vash wished they weren't all bad.
Cosmic fate is cruel. ]
Is that what you think?
[ He offers a soft, but sad smile. ]
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he eventually shrugs. ]
I don't know. It doesn't change anything besides my feelings either way.
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... I wouldn't be the one you should ask, then.
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I don't think anyone else would tell me the truth.
[ but, well—he's lied too. after a moment, he sighs, stretching out aimlessly. ]
...It doesn't matter anymore. That's not what I'd be mad about, anyway. Nahri—you can tell me this much. She wasn't just buying time at the end, right? [ with how she was acting. ] That was genuine?
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[ Vash isn't going to say he wouldn't lie because he would, but he wouldn't lie about this right now. All about context and predicaments. ]
She loved Shenhe—so when she was erased, Nahri wouldn't eat, sleep, or take care of herself... It was a struggle for Wolfwood and I to get her to take even one spoonful. Then she and Fei Du were close.
It didn't help that she's convinced Gerard killed Shenhe, then... [ Well, you know. The trial. The verdict, etc. ] She felt that your team was taking everyone she loved.
I don't think it was an act. She... She's gone through a lot, even at home.
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...We know. [ EVERYONE KNOWS ] I don't want to kill people, thinking that they'd be missed the least. But we all saw her grief. I know it's our fault.
[ he knew nahri would be hurting after this, too. there would always be someone. he was never going to choose a target based on how easily forgotten they would be. it never once crossed his mind that fei du was unloved. ]
...After trial, I was angry. Not about whether you'd killed. Not that people were upset. Just that, if you had—I had those thoughts. That someone could use that hurt and distract from all the other murders. And it made me mad because— [ ... ] I've done a lot of bad things now. But I've never used my feelings for Rin like that.
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[ Well, as he said, he only knows as much as Nahri told him. ]
I wish Wolfwood and I weren't going through it with our apathy stuff so we could have better consoled and handled her.
[ Just runs his fingers through his hair, weary and emotionally spent. ]
She doesn't think any of you want to talk to her. [ IT WOULD JUST BE TWO, VERY SOON. ] Being the middleman is kinda hard and awful.
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he goes quiet when the hurt and confusion settles a bit, letting out a deep, slow breath. ]
Yeah. Sorry. But I don't think she wants to talk to me either.
[ so vash is gonna have to be the one stuck in the middle!! he is not communicative enough to try and fix this situation. ]
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[ Vash does think it would be better if they talked and that he's a bad messenger. Still... Communication is incredibly important.
He will give this an attempt for whenever he thinks she's ready to listen. ]