Yeah. Normally when someone dies in war, they're just gone - but the back and forth of things here... while I'm obviously glad it's not over for us, it's pretty emotionally exhausting.
[buzen truly thinks war is both easier and harder than all this. but such is the way of... afterlife?
his expression wrinkles slightly with unhappiness, but after searching vash's face for a moment he nods]
That's one... I'm still looking for the other, then.
Please apologize to him sometime before we all leave then. I know you meant well, but you still took something from him. Rang's still mad at you, but there might be no helping that one.
[ Vash just stays quiet over the first part. In general, he has conflicted feelings about death and living, but he keeps that to himself. ]
I don't mind that Rang is mad at me, or if everyone becomes mad at me. I'm used to it.
[ Just to put that aside. ]
Are apologies empty if people aren't remorseful? I don't like using these curses, but if I had the choice to make sure we could avoid another death by taking away someone's choice, then I would make that choice each time.
I feel bad about it, but I don't have regrets. Is an apology, when I feel that way, worth anything?
[ Vash is just being sincere. He can understand apologizing for small things just to move on, but this seems serious to everyone. ]
If you feel bad about it, that's - [his brow furrows, his words getting weighed in real time] ... It's not enough for me, but I'd rather know how you feel about it, if that makes sense.
I disagree with you - but it's only because of what we are. Because we spent so much of existence not being able to make choices, it stings extra to have one more taken even after we've had these forms. But... that's your choice.
[to take away agency from someone else. even if it bothers buzen, it's not like he can't see the logic of it. he knows, logically, that it's only harder for him to let go of it because it's matsui.]
... talk to him about it then. As long as you don't lie, I won't get any angrier. Even if you're used to it, I don't want to be mad at you, Va-san.
I think we're just different. If someone could stop me from hurting others, no matter what I'm feeling at the time, I'd want that. No one could do that for me back at home... People have made me into a weapon against my will before and I've killed many people. [ It takes him a moment because it's incredibly difficult for him to not blame himself. It's hard not to when you're the source of catastrophic events, even though you had no control. Of all things, Vash knows what it feels like to be stripped of agency and body autonomy. ] They made me kill many people. Very little could stop me back then.
It's not an excuse. As you said, it's a choice. I didn't want to see more violence, that's it.
[ He's firm on this. ]
I'll definitely talk to him, but your choice to be mad is yours. Whatever happens, happens.
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[buzen truly thinks war is both easier and harder than all this. but such is the way of... afterlife?
his expression wrinkles slightly with unhappiness, but after searching vash's face for a moment he nods]
That's one... I'm still looking for the other, then.
Please apologize to him sometime before we all leave then. I know you meant well, but you still took something from him. Rang's still mad at you, but there might be no helping that one.
no subject
I don't mind that Rang is mad at me, or if everyone becomes mad at me. I'm used to it.
[ Just to put that aside. ]
Are apologies empty if people aren't remorseful? I don't like using these curses, but if I had the choice to make sure we could avoid another death by taking away someone's choice, then I would make that choice each time.
I feel bad about it, but I don't have regrets. Is an apology, when I feel that way, worth anything?
[ Vash is just being sincere. He can understand apologizing for small things just to move on, but this seems serious to everyone. ]
no subject
Well, I don't want you to lie.
If you feel bad about it, that's - [his brow furrows, his words getting weighed in real time] ... It's not enough for me, but I'd rather know how you feel about it, if that makes sense.
I disagree with you - but it's only because of what we are. Because we spent so much of existence not being able to make choices, it stings extra to have one more taken even after we've had these forms. But... that's your choice.
[to take away agency from someone else. even if it bothers buzen, it's not like he can't see the logic of it. he knows, logically, that it's only harder for him to let go of it because it's matsui.]
... talk to him about it then. As long as you don't lie, I won't get any angrier. Even if you're used to it, I don't want to be mad at you, Va-san.
no subject
It's not an excuse. As you said, it's a choice. I didn't want to see more violence, that's it.
[ He's firm on this. ]
I'll definitely talk to him, but your choice to be mad is yours. Whatever happens, happens.