[ yeah, nahri can't help but flip flop between current and past tense. she knows shenhe is gone, but her emotional brain isn't ready to make peace with that quite yet.
She tried. That's the most important thing. [ because she knew people who wouldn't - didn't - and while her fondness for most people is immutable regardless of bad manners, she found it all the more endearing to see shenhe make the effort. ]
[ It might help her get it off her chest, so it doesn't fester into more regrets. Even if it doesn't reach Shenhe, maybe Nahri can find some peace in vocalizing how she feels.
Vash will continue collecting more flowers, though. He makes sure not to make it feel like she's being put on the spot. ]
[ she hums a little to herself, twisting a flower's stem between her thumb and forefinger. something to busy herself and her thoughts, or maybe keep her grounded. maybe somewhere in between.
she's not ashamed of how she feels, and she trusts vash - she just doesn't have a lot of experience with this particular thing. ]
I cared about her deeply. She knows that. But I don't know if she'd ever understand how much it meant to me that'd she... listen, and try, and open herself up to new things. That she saw something in me that wasn't just a use for my abilities or a role that I was forced to fill. [ the tears are coming again, threatening to fall, and there's the occasional hitch of her breath. ]
She said she'd protect me. She wanted me to flourish and be happy. She understood what it was like to not belong anywhere, a-and she never- she never treated me like the lowly little thief that I am. She never pretended to be anything other than her, and I just- [ sob ] I love her so much, but the people I love keep getting taken from me.
[ she's just. sitting in the grass, crying into her hands. ]
[ He grows quiet as he listens... And he pains him that they would be separated. How is it that this is time after death, extra time than they should have been afforded, ended up feeling so short?
Somewhere as she continues spilling her feelings, he returns to her side. ]
You're full of so much love, Nahri. [ To have lost someone she loved before, then to love and lose again—he can feel the heartbreak. ] I think she knew.
[ Only because he thinks Nahri seems to be able to convey her emotions well in her actions, when she wants to. Shenhe is sharp, too, he thinks... Despite her believing otherwise. ]
[ she probably did. nahri can only hope that she did. it's going to be something that's going to sit in her heart forever, for not being able to make sure. ]
I don't want to be anymore.
[ if she weren't caught in another wave of grief, she'd have some comment about how she isn't full of love, not really, not any more than the average person. just like everyone else, all she wants is to belong somewhere. whether that is a physical place or with someone - or a group of people - she'll take it. anything. something to keep her from feeling adrift.
she could keep trying but, it's hard when the bonds she tries to curate get forcefully severed as they have. unfortunately, she still cares. she still cares about her team, she cares about the friends she's made here. lashing out now is just a stupid, sabotaging way of trying to cope with just how much she cares. ]
[ Unfortunately, Vash has seen too many people hold back love, but he doesn't blame them. Humans are only trying to survive out in the rough galaxy, whether they live in a first world country or in a hellhole. With no blame there, he likewise doesn't chide or scold her for choosing to cope this way, to wish she was something she wasn't. Also, he's too insecure for that, anyway. ]
... It's not going to get easier and we can't shut off our hearts in a snap.
[ Vash isn't going to sugarcoat it. It can only get worse from here as the body count increases. ]
You can do what you want to protect yourself, but Wolfwood and I will be beside you for as long as we can. I'll just hope that you don't regret loving Shenhe and letting others in... And whenever you are ready, we can meet you halfway again.
[ Because he knows that everyone needs time to lament, to mourn, and to heal. A promise to try to be there for when she's ready is all he can offer. ]
[ the way he delivers the truth is effective. she doesn't need - or want - things sugercoated for her. she'd be insulted to be coddled, sheltered, protected from reality when she's already spent her entire life clawing for her survival. she doesn't need anything softened for her. ]
It's just hard, Vash.
[ the crying has slowed considerably, and she lowers her hands from her face. and she leans against him, so now he's stuck here. ]
I was alone for so long, I didn't know that it'd feel like this. [ sniffle. ] I don't want you or Wolfwood to go either. I don't even know what halfway is.
[ it feels like all or nothing. here one day, gone the next. ]
[ He lets her lean against him and stays nested here, having no plans to leave until they need to send off their newly departed. ]
I know it's hard. [ Loss. Familiar, yet it makes itself new again. ] Halfway can be just trying, like Shenhe did.
[ All he asks is that she doesn't forsake love, for it is never a mistake to love. No one is foolish for it... And he hopes that she can swing back, be herself. ]
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[ yeah, nahri can't help but flip flop between current and past tense. she knows shenhe is gone, but her emotional brain isn't ready to make peace with that quite yet.
still, she manages a weak little smile. ]
I'm glad that she could give that to you.
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[ He mimics the weak laugh, fond. ]
She was always considerate, even though she thought she didn't have social skills.
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[ So they both share that opinion. ]
I thought she was very endearing.
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[ At least he hoped so. ]
Did you get to tell her what you feel?
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she picks a few more flowers before answering, the growing silence making her feel guilty. ]
Some things. Not all of them.
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[ It might help her get it off her chest, so it doesn't fester into more regrets. Even if it doesn't reach Shenhe, maybe Nahri can find some peace in vocalizing how she feels.
Vash will continue collecting more flowers, though. He makes sure not to make it feel like she's being put on the spot. ]
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she's not ashamed of how she feels, and she trusts vash - she just doesn't have a lot of experience with this particular thing. ]
I cared about her deeply. She knows that. But I don't know if she'd ever understand how much it meant to me that'd she... listen, and try, and open herself up to new things. That she saw something in me that wasn't just a use for my abilities or a role that I was forced to fill. [ the tears are coming again, threatening to fall, and there's the occasional hitch of her breath. ]
She said she'd protect me. She wanted me to flourish and be happy. She understood what it was like to not belong anywhere, a-and she never- she never treated me like the lowly little thief that I am. She never pretended to be anything other than her, and I just- [ sob ] I love her so much, but the people I love keep getting taken from me.
[ she's just. sitting in the grass, crying into her hands. ]
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Somewhere as she continues spilling her feelings, he returns to her side. ]
You're full of so much love, Nahri. [ To have lost someone she loved before, then to love and lose again—he can feel the heartbreak. ] I think she knew.
[ Only because he thinks Nahri seems to be able to convey her emotions well in her actions, when she wants to. Shenhe is sharp, too, he thinks... Despite her believing otherwise. ]
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I don't want to be anymore.
[ if she weren't caught in another wave of grief, she'd have some comment about how she isn't full of love, not really, not any more than the average person. just like everyone else, all she wants is to belong somewhere. whether that is a physical place or with someone - or a group of people - she'll take it. anything. something to keep her from feeling adrift.
she could keep trying but, it's hard when the bonds she tries to curate get forcefully severed as they have. unfortunately, she still cares. she still cares about her team, she cares about the friends she's made here. lashing out now is just a stupid, sabotaging way of trying to cope with just how much she cares. ]
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... It's not going to get easier and we can't shut off our hearts in a snap.
[ Vash isn't going to sugarcoat it. It can only get worse from here as the body count increases. ]
You can do what you want to protect yourself, but Wolfwood and I will be beside you for as long as we can. I'll just hope that you don't regret loving Shenhe and letting others in... And whenever you are ready, we can meet you halfway again.
[ Because he knows that everyone needs time to lament, to mourn, and to heal. A promise to try to be there for when she's ready is all he can offer. ]
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It's just hard, Vash.
[ the crying has slowed considerably, and she lowers her hands from her face. and she leans against him, so now he's stuck here. ]
I was alone for so long, I didn't know that it'd feel like this. [ sniffle. ] I don't want you or Wolfwood to go either. I don't even know what halfway is.
[ it feels like all or nothing. here one day, gone the next. ]
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I know it's hard. [ Loss. Familiar, yet it makes itself new again. ] Halfway can be just trying, like Shenhe did.
[ All he asks is that she doesn't forsake love, for it is never a mistake to love. No one is foolish for it... And he hopes that she can swing back, be herself. ]