W1 THURS 💞 THE "PERFECT" DATE

[piteous]

[ You two were brought here for a reason, with a guide, and there upon the spot of encounter is a blanket splayed near one of the park's pond. Upon the sheet is an array of food they may recognize from the food trucks! But half of it is sprinkled with carefully caught spiders—they're still alive, it seems... Having trouble crawling along pad Thai, soup, this sandwich (yes, between the layers) and some number of appetizers. It's fine, the other dishes untouched by insects at least. They are a choice of noodles, Asian fusion, bread... foods, sometimes just a sandwich; point is, there is food.

At the center is a fries paper container full of freshly picked flowers from the park itself. Drinks provided are water, pop, and boba tea. Based on the tea, the person who set this up likes sweets.

Well, it's a date. Let's start the romantic scene! ]

Comments

[frogzoned]

[ oh dear

well oocly im certain someone here is cursed but icly gerard has no clue so i guess this will chaotically continue on course]

This is very flattering, very flattering! I mean, it’s been a long time since I was on the dating scene so to speak and, you know, that was all a bit by the book [ self aware fairy tale joke ] but you should know that, um, even if it is a bit on the rocks, not going extremely well at this point, probably should be considered over but we haven’t had the opportunity to have a conversation, so on … I am still married.

[crucifer]

[ Honestly Wolfwood is just believing Vash is completely griefing him for some reason so like, almost same boat.

Anyway there's this very long silence as he looks at him... ]



Okay, so I'm being rejected? I'm being rejected right? This ends here?

[ Frog date any% speedrun. ]

[frogzoned]

[ wow well gerard looks like he feels bad for rejecting him so quickly ]

You did put yourself out here and you did catch so many spiders … Maybe I’m being too harsh?

[crucifer]

It's fine! We can pack everything up and that'll be the end of it. Then continue on with our days separately.

[ This is a pure winner's smile with not a small hint of murderousness. By the way he has also been furiously texting between lines. ]

I'll tell blondie it failed spectacularly. That'll get him to shove the hell off.

[piteous]

[ since i said the bushes are rustling elsewhere, i put it here, too.

oop ]

[frogzoned]

[ yeah hes a bit dense in that very guy way of not noticing shit around him and being terrible at his feelings but he’s not totally the dumbest boy in school. he sees the texting, sir.

but that makes sense. a joke between these two friends at the impossible nature of it all - of the absurdity that lies at the core of his Story. People do not fall in love with frogs. It’s like Elody had said in that last conversation they’d had (before he’d run away again, just like he had before, another inevitability), and with none of the anger he had expected - only grief. You were a Prince. You were cursed, and you escaped, miraculously. A condition was met that never should've been met, and you should have been swallowed by a heron in a lake outside the castle.

It is not a miracle he expects to - doesn’t want - to repeat. It’s been a very long time since he has felt like a Prince, and that was very once upon a time ago. This is now. And he feels quite froggish in the moment. This is a not a world for princes and princesses. Frogs and spiders and wolves and Reapers, the few willing to carve a path of blood will be the victors here. He sits, near to the ground, legs pulled to either side in perfect frog posture, easily. ]

Well that’s fine by me. I’m going to keep the sandwich though.

[ for the record this is the funniest thing to ever happen to me. ]

[crucifer]

[ Help

He stops trying to treat this can as a stress toy for a moment just to look once at Gérard and whatever it is that's going on in his froggy little soft skull. ]

You know going out for lunch doesn't have to be a date right?

[ Like. We can still be friends, RIGHT?! ]

Also, I'm pretty sure this is all for you anyway, so you can keep all of it. Except this one.

[ By this one he means a particularly spidery hot dog which he is suddenly without warning chucking into a certain bush you know who you are. ]

[piteous]

[ WHY DID WE GET THE SADDEST GERARD TAG...

Vash abruptly stands up when he witnesses sacrilege. ]

Hey! Don't waste food—[ but then some squirrels who have no standards see OPPORTUNITY even if it's a spider infested hotdog. Which means they swarm Vash in this bush. ]

[bindings]

[the squirrels attack

and there's also just, fire everywhere, very suddenly!]

[frogzoned]

[ ]

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

[bindings]

[HELP THIS IMAGEJKKSDJF

squirrels are on fire and shenhe and vash are watching this date, i guess. shenhe watches the squirrels flee, and then looks over at gerard and wolfwood

... and then ducks back down into the bushes like that's going to do anything]

[frogzoned]

[ wheezing ]

Those are on fire, I would actually get out of them, Miss Shenhe.

[bindings]

[she's immune to fire while she's using this but that's a good point because eventually she will not be.

... she moves to a different set of bushes and leaves vash to die.]

[frogzoned]

You're really going to just run!?

[bindings]

[silence.........

then:]

You were not supposed to see me.

[i'm just going to assume wolfwood is beating the shit out of vash in the background for this conversation, ig]

[frogzoned]

It does seem that more witnesses to my embarrassment continue to appear. Is anyone else hiding in there too, or just you?

[bindings]

It's just me.

[...] Why are you embarrassed?

[frogzoned]

[ he isn't sure he can have this conversation surrounded by squirrels on fire while wolfwood beats vashs face in in the background ]

Nevermind. I understand. Quite funny-- [ he gestures. ] It's really very-- a good joke.

[bindings]

[that's so fair but shenhe isn't aware that he doesn't want to have this conversation so we're having it anyway]

... Joke? Is that what this is? I don't see what's funny about it.

[frogzoned]

[ gerard just like, don't worry, I can explain jokes to her as if that is the question she is asking. ]

It comes from the absurdity of seeing a frog as a potential romantic match for anyone. Which is true. It is inherently ridiculous, hence, why it is my Story. Stories don't get written about if things are boring and normal.

[bindings]

... No. Vash genuinely thinks you would be a good match for Wolfwood. [she is SO BAFFLED BY ALL OF THIS] The fact that you are a frog doesn't matter.

[frogzoned]

[ looking at


wolfwood having a meltdown ]

I don't think he agrees? But it doesn't matter.

[crucifer]

It's not because you're a frog, it's because you're married!

[ He is indeed beating up Vash in the background I guess. ]

[frogzoned]

[ now he's also thinking about his failing marriage ]

I think you're winning.

[piteous]

[ RAMS WOLFWOOD WITH DRIFT GET THE FUCK OUT ITS TIME FOR HIM TO SPEAK ]

You would be a good match for Wolfwood! He needs a good, sensible person to put him on the right track.

[ where did vash revive from ]

You seem very sweet!!!

[crucifer]

[ He is sure turning into a ball of fire. It's not catching on anything but it does look bad. ]

I'll go on dates when YOU'RE NOT THE ONE SETTING THEM UP!

[bindings]

[calling out to them:] Do not kill each other.

[frogzoned]

[ he's eating one of the spider sandwiches ]

Don't stop them yet, I'm enjoying this.

[piteous]

[ And Vash is getting frosty, I guess... In name of our grimace shake. The air is getting cold. ]

So you are IN LOVE WITH GERARD! Why else are you being so difficult and lashing out at me?!