[The sympathy grates a little--but only a little, since he knows it's well-meaning and not condescending. He's been working hard on pulling back the instant urge to lash out defensively, even before he came here, and the moment he figured out what this week's effect would be, he resigned himself to things like this. But Vash, at least, is a little different, and... well. Kaveh's weak, in the end. Too weak to resist the hope of shared understanding. If he can tell the Traveler the truth, to some extent, maybe he can tell Vash too.
[ That's right. There's no condescending pity in what Vash feels... Just genuine desire for good to fall onto others, for the pain to become less and less until it's gone. Only good intentions here.
He's gone in, looking at colored bottles curiously, before there's some confusion. Then there's a lot of frazzled embarrassment and fumbling, also physically fumbling these colored bottles, because— ]
The dye is for me! But I meant it's your choice if you wanted to talk. I'm not going to force you. We can definitely talk about other stuff... Like how funky these hairstyles are.
[IT IS PLAYFUL but also he just nods solemnly. HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR SAFETY VASH.
And also--he lets it go, but he puts a pin in it, mentally. Typically, he likes to be gracious and let people dance around their problems as they wish--but Vash has been sweet enough to do this for him, so. Maybe he can return the favor.]
Alright, if you insist. [Though he also holds out his hands in a wordless "need help?" gesture; if Vash wants to handle his own hair, that's perfectly fine, but he's more than happy to offer if they're going to be chatting anyway. He's a little restless, with nothing to do with his hands.] ...It's better than it used to be, believe it or not.
[ In the end, Vash believes it's Kaveh's choice to tell his story, but he also believes it's his responsibility to communicate that he's here.
Kaveh may help him with hair! He will pass him the colored bottle and it is some light periwinkle (which will just blend into the lavender later, i guess it will be an iridescent pastel). He offers a small smile... ]
A lot of people say time is a good and simple remedy.
[ And there's a little bit of hope to that, but not a lot. ]
[I support him and his hair even if it doesn't match his clothes. Perhaps this will be remedied in the future. (thinking)
But for now he'll just help Vash with his hair however Vash directs him.]
Maybe. I've always thought of some things like an illness--sometimes there's no cure. In time, things might run their course--but they might leave lasting scars along the way.
But that's fine; Kaveh will take over, then. With a gentle touch to Vash's arm, he nods toward one of the chairs; besides his usual, ever-present feelings, there's an air of gentle caution there. It's the vibe of someone keeping an eye out for discomfort--but as long as Vash doesn't tell him to stop or flinch away, he'll help him with this.]
No, it isn't. [He can admit that, at least. He sighs softly.] Things were starting to look up a little, believe it or not. But then...
[ Vash will sit with bubbling excitement, mild and youthful despite his age. Despite the underlying darkness, he emanates good vibes. It's not overly bright, instead leveled for their conversation.
[It's acceptable--kind of nice, actually. Kaveh hates inflicting his emotions on other people, but this, at least, he can appreciate: knowing with certainty that he's not being a burden, taking a quiet comfort in someone else's happiness.
He laughs as he goes to fetch gloves and a brush, though it's a little dry.]
At least 20 years' worth. [He's quiet for a moment, contemplative.] Though I can't say it was all bad. If it was, I don't think I'd want to go back at all.
[ Vash doesn't think it's sad to hear. Regrets happen when you live and plenty of people die with many held close to their heart, but again there's more to life than just that. Isn't that why Kaveh wants to return in spite of the weight on his shoulders?
He does a little shimmy in his seat, covered in the apron, while Kaveh preps. ]
Sounds like you still have purpose! I wonder what it is.
[ Since all of this has been vague. Maybe it's a gentle push, a lighthearted jab, but Vash's emotions reassure that it's fine to go on being elusive. ]
[If he's wholly honest. He's quiet, then, as he puts the gloves on and starts to get to work with the dye--he only knows what he's doing in this regard insofar as he read the instructions, but it's probably fine. He'll do his best to not mess it up, even if he doesn't think Vash would care that much.
If not for the thoughtful air to his quiet, it might seem like that's the end of his comments. But, eventually--]
...I've been told that I live too much in the shadow of the past. And I admit that I started doing a lot of things to try and make amends for my father's death. Helping as many people as I could, doing whatever was within my capabilities--partly because I wanted to, and partly because it made me feel better. At this point, I'm not sure the source of my motivation matters, as long as I do what I can for other people. [...] I don't regret being this way. ...It doesn't always help, though.
[Sometimes, there's simply no silencing that dark voice--the one that says you did this and you can never bring him back and you deserve to be alone.]
[ ME LIKE DID I JUST MISS THIS IN MY VACATION FLURRY but i at least want to set this with a nice ending. ]
I don't think that's a bad way to live, but maybe because I lived a similar life.
[ Sometimes you are lonely and you hold onto what others left behind, pick up the mantle, and walk forward. You continue with a piece of them in your heart and through you they can keep living. Somehow, it dulls and amplifies the loneliness—it depends on the day. Vash closes his eyes. ]
It's keeping their memory alive. [ ... ] But it does make many choices difficult.
[ Vash goes quiet... Nostalgic and reminiscing with sadness still in the background. ]
I haven't seen all the good deeds and wonders you've done, but I know you've worked really hard, so... Good work! Keep at it.
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He opens his mouth--
--then pauses, eying Vash.]
Hair dye for who?
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He's gone in, looking at colored bottles curiously, before there's some confusion. Then there's a lot of frazzled embarrassment and fumbling, also physically fumbling these colored bottles, because— ]
The dye is for me! But I meant it's your choice if you wanted to talk. I'm not going to force you. We can definitely talk about other stuff... Like how funky these hairstyles are.
[ Apologetic. ]
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No, it's fine. If you really want to listen, I don't mind. I just wanted to make sure you weren't planning to prank Shenhe.
["What about the rest of the team" no they're fine]
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[ Vash says despite there being no genuine fear whatsoever in this emotion feed. There's playful haha fear, though.
Anyway... Supportive vibes! Snuffs depression so Kaveh can have the floor on emotion share. ]
Of course I want to listen!
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And also--he lets it go, but he puts a pin in it, mentally. Typically, he likes to be gracious and let people dance around their problems as they wish--but Vash has been sweet enough to do this for him, so. Maybe he can return the favor.]
Alright, if you insist. [Though he also holds out his hands in a wordless "need help?" gesture; if Vash wants to handle his own hair, that's perfectly fine, but he's more than happy to offer if they're going to be chatting anyway. He's a little restless, with nothing to do with his hands.] ...It's better than it used to be, believe it or not.
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Kaveh may help him with hair! He will pass him the colored bottle and it is some light periwinkle (which will just blend into the lavender later, i guess it will be an iridescent pastel). He offers a small smile... ]
A lot of people say time is a good and simple remedy.
[ And there's a little bit of hope to that, but not a lot. ]
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But for now he'll just help Vash with his hair however Vash directs him.]
Maybe. I've always thought of some things like an illness--sometimes there's no cure. In time, things might run their course--but they might leave lasting scars along the way.
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Yeah, that's life for you... But those scars mean you survived for as long as you did.
[ There's a bundle of emotions, mostly heavy nostalgia. ]
It isn't easy.
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But that's fine; Kaveh will take over, then. With a gentle touch to Vash's arm, he nods toward one of the chairs; besides his usual, ever-present feelings, there's an air of gentle caution there. It's the vibe of someone keeping an eye out for discomfort--but as long as Vash doesn't tell him to stop or flinch away, he'll help him with this.]
No, it isn't. [He can admit that, at least. He sighs softly.] Things were starting to look up a little, believe it or not. But then...
[Then they ended up here.]
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A gentle uplift, but not overbearing. ]
You're here.
[ Emotions dip for a bit, then pick back up. ]
Regrets?
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He laughs as he goes to fetch gloves and a brush, though it's a little dry.]
At least 20 years' worth. [He's quiet for a moment, contemplative.] Though I can't say it was all bad. If it was, I don't think I'd want to go back at all.
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He does a little shimmy in his seat, covered in the apron, while Kaveh preps. ]
Sounds like you still have purpose! I wonder what it is.
[ Since all of this has been vague. Maybe it's a gentle push, a lighthearted jab, but Vash's emotions reassure that it's fine to go on being elusive. ]
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[If he's wholly honest. He's quiet, then, as he puts the gloves on and starts to get to work with the dye--he only knows what he's doing in this regard insofar as he read the instructions, but it's probably fine. He'll do his best to not mess it up, even if he doesn't think Vash would care that much.
If not for the thoughtful air to his quiet, it might seem like that's the end of his comments. But, eventually--]
...I've been told that I live too much in the shadow of the past. And I admit that I started doing a lot of things to try and make amends for my father's death. Helping as many people as I could, doing whatever was within my capabilities--partly because I wanted to, and partly because it made me feel better. At this point, I'm not sure the source of my motivation matters, as long as I do what I can for other people. [...] I don't regret being this way. ...It doesn't always help, though.
[Sometimes, there's simply no silencing that dark voice--the one that says you did this and you can never bring him back and you deserve to be alone.]
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I don't think that's a bad way to live, but maybe because I lived a similar life.
[ Sometimes you are lonely and you hold onto what others left behind, pick up the mantle, and walk forward. You continue with a piece of them in your heart and through you they can keep living. Somehow, it dulls and amplifies the loneliness—it depends on the day. Vash closes his eyes. ]
It's keeping their memory alive. [ ... ] But it does make many choices difficult.
[ Vash goes quiet... Nostalgic and reminiscing with sadness still in the background. ]
I haven't seen all the good deeds and wonders you've done, but I know you've worked really hard, so... Good work! Keep at it.