[Briefly, Kaveh looks confused at the mention of Ylfa; but, well. He's smart enough to connect the basic dots, even if he lacks the full picture. He doesn't deviate, though; right now, he wants to focus on Vash. He is a big nerd though yeah that's true.
He also owes it to Vash, he thinks, to seriously contemplate everything Vash says to him. He doesn't want to rush into any heartfelt declarations, no matter how impossible it feels to think of Vash as someone dangerous or frightening. Kaveh knows that, for all his suffering, he's lived a mostly privileged life--so many of his struggles have been personal and self-wrought. He didn't grow up in the desert, forced to weather harsh sandstorms and prejudice. He was never disowned by his parents, even if he's cut contact with his mother for the sake of her happiness. He's never lived through a war--doesn't know what it's like to be a spirit, an archon, or anything other than a simple young man trying to chase his dreams. And though he's only pieced together a cursory image of what life is like on Vash, Wolfwood, and Livio's planet, he understands that whatever he's imagining is likely much less awful than whatever they've truly endured, if only because he hates to think of them in pain.
Vash deserves the time it takes for Kaveh to remind himself of all of this, before he says something he can only believe in the moment. He cannot believe that Vash would truly cause intentional harm--but as a scholar, he has to acknowledge his own bias.]
You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. [Once he's decided how to articulate his thoughts.] Though, to me, the fact that you feel that way--that is evidence that you're a good person. I've met plenty of bad people, and they don't care. [But he waves a hand.] But setting that aside--tell me this. What would you say is your deepest wish?
[ Sometimes monsters have a lot of deep thoughts about what that means, what makes them a monster, and how they feel about it. Vash, unfortunately, would rather run from that. ]
I'm sure they've gone through a lot.
[ Vash would be a worst boy enthusiast, most likely, while also yelling at the media telling his favorite they're a shitty bastard. He isn't blind to the evil in the world, but he can take a step back and see that the choices people are given are ones they barely have control over. Life, again, is a series of complicated problems, these problems are like cards. Random, shuffled and dealt by the invisible hand of fate. But somehow he separates himself from that, depriving himself of such grace.
He simply looks ahead at the simulated interior as he takes a longer sip, pensive. His deepest wish? Isn't it to disappear...? To finally chase after the lost souls of his past, to grab onto the warm hands of those kind ghosts, to run into the starless night, to find peace now that his work is done. In the silence and presence of Kaveh's company, he thinks on it some more. Despite the dark, he's latching onto the offered comfort and consolation.
His gaze falls upon the golden arches on his cup. His deepest wish... ]
... I want to be accepted. [ In the end, more than anything, he just wants to be loved. ] I want to be beside people, just like this.
[It hurts his heart, to hear such a simple sentiment said with such gravitas. Only those who have been deeply hurt ever make such simple wishes, don't they? Those who know what it's like to have nothing, or to have everything and lose it. Those who believe that their existence is a nexus of strife, poisoning those around them.
(It hurts to hear something that resonates so deeply within his own heart. But he won't say that, not right now. He isn't that selfish.)
Gently, he reaches out, putting his hand on the table. He doesn't try to grab Vash's, but he leaves his own out, palm up in offering.]
Then you can stay beside me. [And so many others here, he's sure of that. He can't promise that Vash will see this through to the end, can't do anything to uphold that kind of statement--but it's unfathomable, the idea of anyone turning Vash away. Perhaps it's hypocritical, the way Kaveh can't turn this certainty inward, but right now, that's the furthest thought from his mind.] I'm not afraid of monsters.
[And really, he thinks that this, too, is evidence that Vash is anything but.]
You really are too kind, Kaveh. I can see why they're worried about you.
[ He doesn't elaborate who, doesn't mention how many, but he says this softly like it isn't a shortcoming he dislike. Who benefits these traits but him? Closing his eyes, he lets it sink in... Isn't it too dangerous to not fear the wild? To reach out your hand at fangs—worse, fangs hidden by a friendly smile.
Vash, ultimately, isn't the type to snap at hands that reach out to him. He sees the palm out and that's when clarity washes over him. ]
I really just dumped that all on you! What's with me this week?! [ Watch him down all this alcohol and take that hand to rattle. ] Try to forget what I said!
[HELP sweet Vash... RELATABLE. This is how Kaveh felt after his CYOA.
He doesn't ask about Vash's first comment, because he already knows that people worry; it's one of the things he hates most about this place, the way it robbed him so immediately of his usual facade. Instead, he just laughs a little, letting Vash shakes his hand.]
I'll try. [He won't] Don't worry, I won't embarrass you. [He probably will someday]
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He also owes it to Vash, he thinks, to seriously contemplate everything Vash says to him. He doesn't want to rush into any heartfelt declarations, no matter how impossible it feels to think of Vash as someone dangerous or frightening. Kaveh knows that, for all his suffering, he's lived a mostly privileged life--so many of his struggles have been personal and self-wrought. He didn't grow up in the desert, forced to weather harsh sandstorms and prejudice. He was never disowned by his parents, even if he's cut contact with his mother for the sake of her happiness. He's never lived through a war--doesn't know what it's like to be a spirit, an archon, or anything other than a simple young man trying to chase his dreams. And though he's only pieced together a cursory image of what life is like on Vash, Wolfwood, and Livio's planet, he understands that whatever he's imagining is likely much less awful than whatever they've truly endured, if only because he hates to think of them in pain.
Vash deserves the time it takes for Kaveh to remind himself of all of this, before he says something he can only believe in the moment. He cannot believe that Vash would truly cause intentional harm--but as a scholar, he has to acknowledge his own bias.]
You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. [Once he's decided how to articulate his thoughts.] Though, to me, the fact that you feel that way--that is evidence that you're a good person. I've met plenty of bad people, and they don't care. [But he waves a hand.] But setting that aside--tell me this. What would you say is your deepest wish?
cw suicidal ideation pats this on
I'm sure they've gone through a lot.
[ Vash would be a worst boy enthusiast, most likely, while also yelling at the media telling his favorite they're a shitty bastard. He isn't blind to the evil in the world, but he can take a step back and see that the choices people are given are ones they barely have control over. Life, again, is a series of complicated problems, these problems are like cards. Random, shuffled and dealt by the invisible hand of fate. But somehow he separates himself from that, depriving himself of such grace.
He simply looks ahead at the simulated interior as he takes a longer sip, pensive. His deepest wish? Isn't it to disappear...? To finally chase after the lost souls of his past, to grab onto the warm hands of those kind ghosts, to run into the starless night, to find peace now that his work is done. In the silence and presence of Kaveh's company, he thinks on it some more. Despite the dark, he's latching onto the offered comfort and consolation.
His gaze falls upon the golden arches on his cup. His deepest wish... ]
... I want to be accepted. [ In the end, more than anything, he just wants to be loved. ] I want to be beside people, just like this.
puts vash on a high shelf
(It hurts to hear something that resonates so deeply within his own heart. But he won't say that, not right now. He isn't that selfish.)
Gently, he reaches out, putting his hand on the table. He doesn't try to grab Vash's, but he leaves his own out, palm up in offering.]
Then you can stay beside me. [And so many others here, he's sure of that. He can't promise that Vash will see this through to the end, can't do anything to uphold that kind of statement--but it's unfathomable, the idea of anyone turning Vash away. Perhaps it's hypocritical, the way Kaveh can't turn this certainty inward, but right now, that's the furthest thought from his mind.] I'm not afraid of monsters.
[And really, he thinks that this, too, is evidence that Vash is anything but.]
NOOO puts wolfwood there 1/2
[ He doesn't elaborate who, doesn't mention how many, but he says this softly like it isn't a shortcoming he dislike. Who benefits these traits but him? Closing his eyes, he lets it sink in... Isn't it too dangerous to not fear the wild? To reach out your hand at fangs—worse, fangs hidden by a friendly smile.
Vash, ultimately, isn't the type to snap at hands that reach out to him. He sees the palm out and that's when clarity washes over him. ]
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I really just dumped that all on you! What's with me this week?! [ Watch him down all this alcohol and take that hand to rattle. ] Try to forget what I said!
[ He wants his CRINGE ERA to be OVER. ]
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He doesn't ask about Vash's first comment, because he already knows that people worry; it's one of the things he hates most about this place, the way it robbed him so immediately of his usual facade. Instead, he just laughs a little, letting Vash shakes his hand.]
I'll try. [He won't] Don't worry, I won't embarrass you. [He probably will someday]
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[ mistakes ]
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[
He's just never going to tell Vash that he initially planned on talking to him about Shenhe and Wolfwood]
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