[ Kaveh is full of emotions and honestly Vash relates, but of course he has over a century of experience. It doesn't hurt less... Each time it feels like pained renewed, but his physical body can only produce so many tears. In the end, grief and sorrow weighs on them heavy.
But tomorrow waits. The world doesn't stop for them, so Vash does his best to try to help Kaveh move along, too. ]
Sometimes, on Fridays, I simulate this place while I collect my thoughts. It helps me calm down.
[ With the VR set, they can be taken to a cold chamber in a large spaceship. The walls lined with pods carrying sleeping humans stretch far and wide, glass frosted and air nippy. ]
This is the cold sleep chamber on the spaceship I was born in... They took shifts on who stays awake and maintains the ship. [ He seems to relax instantly when they're here. ] All of them were looking for another place to call home.
It kind of puts into perspective what lengths people would go to in order to survive. Or to find a place to belong.
[He listens quietly as Vash talks, though it's Vash's demeanor that helps more than anything. The comfort he takes from this place is nearly tangible, and it warms Kaveh the way that nothing he could do for himself would. He shivers a little, instinctively, at the false temperature drop, but he doesn't complain--he just turns to gaze out over the chamber with Vash.]
Right... I remember. [Vash's memory--the one he saw at the beginning of that awful week. He remembers the glimpse of a happy family that Vash once had, and he remembers watching it crash and burn at the hands of someone Vash had probably trusted and loved.
It's probably insensitive, but he asks before he can stop himself.] ...It doesn't make you sad?
[ Looking out, he almost counts every single pod, checking every single familiar face that seems to be obscured because VR does that to people in here. Even if he can't see their faces, there's a glint of recognition in his eyes, like he has memorized the whole layout and the crew list. Closing his eyes, he can picture it all clearly.
He can also picture tragedy just as vividly. ]
Sometimes, it does...
[ He isn't going to lie. Vash thinks about the ships falling from the sky, destined to crash, and the millions of people who died to the big fall. Peace and happiness were taken away from him in a single moment. ]
But I think the happy memories I had here on the ship are stronger than everything else.
[There are so many reasons that Kaveh's been trying so hard to help Vash and the others--not in the least of which is that Vash, of all people, deserves to know that people care for him. He hasn't forgotten their conversation from weeks ago, even though Vash asked him to. It still hurts to know that Vash views himself as a monster, even with a broader understanding of why that might be--and moments like this, to him, are heart-wrenching proof of Vash's inherent goodness.
Vash has so much pain and loss behind him, but here he stands, holding onto the good nonetheless. Kaveh would admire him for it, and he does, really--it's just that right now, he feels so helplessly fragile.]
I wish I could think the way that you do.
[His mind seems to work the opposite way. He tries, he really does, to remember the positives--to hold onto the happy memories, and to remind himself of all the privileges and wonders of his life. It was starting to get easier, even, after the Championship. But it's like being on a tumultuous roller coaster at the best of times. At the worst, it's like being dragged underwater by cold hands as he grasps uselessly for refracted light.]
[ He considers himself a simple being who only wishes good for others, but he's aware of what he is. Unfortunately, being stubborn is his shortcoming. Vash is quite old, though not hundreds of years old, and it primes him to be obstinate in so many more ways than just his view of himself.
Such is life for an ancient othered being. ]
... I think I had the benefit of time.
[ Tragedies weigh on the tails of his coat, dragging along the floor as he presses onward, but the future is so bright. At least he thinks so and he knows it's selfish to look at the positives sometimes, but he still does it. ]
Maybe, in the future, you can think the same way I do, but you don't need to. Everyone lives their lives how they want. [ He pats the VR gear offered to Kaveh. They can go back to Sumeru, if Kaveh wants. ] There's nothing wrong with that.
[Kaveh takes the VR gear, but he doesn't change the scene just yet. Instead, he continues to gaze out at the quiet chamber. He doesn't respond right away, instead thinking over the memory he saw from Vash.]
Maybe. [...] I just don't like dragging people down.
[Today is an exception; he doesn't have it in him to not be as openly heartbroken as he feels. It makes him more honest than he'd like to be, but... well. It's not like Vash doesn't already know.]
You can work your way toward that, too, Kaveh. As long as you look to tomorrow.
[ Change... Change is hard. Becoming someone who can change things is also difficult, especially in a place that makes them so helpless. However, they can dream a little longer, can't they? ]
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no subject
But tomorrow waits. The world doesn't stop for them, so Vash does his best to try to help Kaveh move along, too. ]
Sometimes, on Fridays, I simulate this place while I collect my thoughts. It helps me calm down.
[ With the VR set, they can be taken to a cold chamber in a large spaceship. The walls lined with pods carrying sleeping humans stretch far and wide, glass frosted and air nippy. ]
This is the cold sleep chamber on the spaceship I was born in... They took shifts on who stays awake and maintains the ship. [ He seems to relax instantly when they're here. ] All of them were looking for another place to call home.
It kind of puts into perspective what lengths people would go to in order to survive. Or to find a place to belong.
no subject
Right... I remember. [Vash's memory--the one he saw at the beginning of that awful week. He remembers the glimpse of a happy family that Vash once had, and he remembers watching it crash and burn at the hands of someone Vash had probably trusted and loved.
It's probably insensitive, but he asks before he can stop himself.] ...It doesn't make you sad?
no subject
He can also picture tragedy just as vividly. ]
Sometimes, it does...
[ He isn't going to lie. Vash thinks about the ships falling from the sky, destined to crash, and the millions of people who died to the big fall. Peace and happiness were taken away from him in a single moment. ]
But I think the happy memories I had here on the ship are stronger than everything else.
no subject
Vash has so much pain and loss behind him, but here he stands, holding onto the good nonetheless. Kaveh would admire him for it, and he does, really--it's just that right now, he feels so helplessly fragile.]
I wish I could think the way that you do.
[His mind seems to work the opposite way. He tries, he really does, to remember the positives--to hold onto the happy memories, and to remind himself of all the privileges and wonders of his life. It was starting to get easier, even, after the Championship. But it's like being on a tumultuous roller coaster at the best of times. At the worst, it's like being dragged underwater by cold hands as he grasps uselessly for refracted light.]
no subject
Such is life for an ancient othered being. ]
... I think I had the benefit of time.
[ Tragedies weigh on the tails of his coat, dragging along the floor as he presses onward, but the future is so bright. At least he thinks so and he knows it's selfish to look at the positives sometimes, but he still does it. ]
Maybe, in the future, you can think the same way I do, but you don't need to. Everyone lives their lives how they want. [ He pats the VR gear offered to Kaveh. They can go back to Sumeru, if Kaveh wants. ] There's nothing wrong with that.
no subject
Maybe. [...] I just don't like dragging people down.
[Today is an exception; he doesn't have it in him to not be as openly heartbroken as he feels. It makes him more honest than he'd like to be, but... well. It's not like Vash doesn't already know.]
no subject
[ Change... Change is hard. Becoming someone who can change things is also difficult, especially in a place that makes them so helpless. However, they can dream a little longer, can't they? ]
I think you have it in you.