[oh - buzen actually doesn't read over matsui's shoulder to see all his messages so he's just startled into laughter]
Did he send one to you like that?
[but TRULY it was a rough go of things. buzen just settles at the reminder and keeps his smile just a bit thin. yeah. sometimes your team gets tpk'd way early on through almost no fault of their own (d was d).]
When Froggystyle was caught for Fei Du... Well, it sounds like you guys see a lot of things from over there, but Nahri wasn't in a good place. She and Froggystyle are okay, but they both don't talk to each other or interact. It was a lot for my team to handle, too, because many emotions were flying around. We're good at least.
Uhhh... I guess Simon was just himself.
Then there's TBD and Livio because of Setsu. They're willing to be neutral and cooperate if they have to, but sometimes the air is bad like last Saturday and Sunday.
[ . . . he nods at that. he doesn't watch everything, but he at least doesn't look super surprised. buzen's iq is bad but his eq is his redeeming feature.]
Yeah. Rang still doesn't forgive Sweet Theory. Neither do I, and Matsu... he's doing his best.
Everyone else who's dead had... mostly smoothed out relationships, even if they - or we - don't forgive each other. Though some of them killed each other on arrival. I think for us... all of us already being dead played a role in it. There's nothing more that we can ask for when blood was repaid... I sound like Matsu, huh.
I think... this is just what happens when we come to care for people. Things get harder to forgive.
[ . . . he'll just go to sit next to him, expression curious.]
Va-san, can I ask if you know who on your team cursed Matsu? Would they be willing to apologize to him?
I know. I'd say humans are prone to be like this, but I guess non-humans, too. Seems like everyone's hearts are more alike than some may think!
Just... It makes me sad to know that maybe everyone could have been friends if it weren't for the circumstances we are in. We didn't choose to be here and we'd be leaving with scars we didn't ask for.
[ Sometimes you are just a bleeding heart who likes everyone to different degrees, but it's still liking everyone. Fortunately, Vash understands there's nothing he can do about the complicated relationships of others. ]
You mean on that Saturday... When he suddenly was feeling super calm or something?
Circumstances decide a lot of things, unfortunately. We could've all been friends, but in an even worse situation, we could've all been enemies. I know that it's probably not the best thing to say but... well, you're right that this is what we've got.
And it's fine to be pissed off at the cause of it all. Or sad that it had to happen this way. I feel a little bit of both.
[but he nods]
I obviously didn't see it - but I heard it was your team. Since we were talking about bridges and all... I don't want this one to burn. I just think that people should start apologizing more around here...
Weird enough, this is less hectic than back at home, but... More of an emotional undertaking because you're stuck with the same people for weeks.
[ Anyway... ]
I know Nahri's usage was on Shenhe because she wanted to stay calm at trial—which people cured, anyway. [ Feels. bad. ] I only cursed Matsui after Monika cured him, just that he didn't have murderous intent until execution. Dunno about the one before me.
I was thinking of telling Matsui at the end of all this myself, but... If we have some days to rest up and relax a little, I might just do it earlier.
Yeah. Normally when someone dies in war, they're just gone - but the back and forth of things here... while I'm obviously glad it's not over for us, it's pretty emotionally exhausting.
[buzen truly thinks war is both easier and harder than all this. but such is the way of... afterlife?
his expression wrinkles slightly with unhappiness, but after searching vash's face for a moment he nods]
That's one... I'm still looking for the other, then.
Please apologize to him sometime before we all leave then. I know you meant well, but you still took something from him. Rang's still mad at you, but there might be no helping that one.
[ Vash just stays quiet over the first part. In general, he has conflicted feelings about death and living, but he keeps that to himself. ]
I don't mind that Rang is mad at me, or if everyone becomes mad at me. I'm used to it.
[ Just to put that aside. ]
Are apologies empty if people aren't remorseful? I don't like using these curses, but if I had the choice to make sure we could avoid another death by taking away someone's choice, then I would make that choice each time.
I feel bad about it, but I don't have regrets. Is an apology, when I feel that way, worth anything?
[ Vash is just being sincere. He can understand apologizing for small things just to move on, but this seems serious to everyone. ]
If you feel bad about it, that's - [his brow furrows, his words getting weighed in real time] ... It's not enough for me, but I'd rather know how you feel about it, if that makes sense.
I disagree with you - but it's only because of what we are. Because we spent so much of existence not being able to make choices, it stings extra to have one more taken even after we've had these forms. But... that's your choice.
[to take away agency from someone else. even if it bothers buzen, it's not like he can't see the logic of it. he knows, logically, that it's only harder for him to let go of it because it's matsui.]
... talk to him about it then. As long as you don't lie, I won't get any angrier. Even if you're used to it, I don't want to be mad at you, Va-san.
I think we're just different. If someone could stop me from hurting others, no matter what I'm feeling at the time, I'd want that. No one could do that for me back at home... People have made me into a weapon against my will before and I've killed many people. [ It takes him a moment because it's incredibly difficult for him to not blame himself. It's hard not to when you're the source of catastrophic events, even though you had no control. Of all things, Vash knows what it feels like to be stripped of agency and body autonomy. ] They made me kill many people. Very little could stop me back then.
It's not an excuse. As you said, it's a choice. I didn't want to see more violence, that's it.
[ He's firm on this. ]
I'll definitely talk to him, but your choice to be mad is yours. Whatever happens, happens.
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no subject
Did he send one to you like that?
[but TRULY it was a rough go of things. buzen just settles at the reminder and keeps his smile just a bit thin. yeah. sometimes your team gets tpk'd way early on through almost no fault of their own (d was d).]
Bridges...? How do you mean?
no subject
When Froggystyle was caught for Fei Du... Well, it sounds like you guys see a lot of things from over there, but Nahri wasn't in a good place. She and Froggystyle are okay, but they both don't talk to each other or interact. It was a lot for my team to handle, too, because many emotions were flying around. We're good at least.
Uhhh... I guess Simon was just himself.
Then there's TBD and Livio because of Setsu. They're willing to be neutral and cooperate if they have to, but sometimes the air is bad like last Saturday and Sunday.
[ Closes eyes and just plops onto the snow. ]
Well! In the end, we're here!
no subject
Yeah. Rang still doesn't forgive Sweet Theory. Neither do I, and Matsu... he's doing his best.
Everyone else who's dead had... mostly smoothed out relationships, even if they - or we - don't forgive each other. Though some of them killed each other on arrival. I think for us... all of us already being dead played a role in it. There's nothing more that we can ask for when blood was repaid... I sound like Matsu, huh.
I think... this is just what happens when we come to care for people. Things get harder to forgive.
[ . . . he'll just go to sit next to him, expression curious.]
Va-san, can I ask if you know who on your team cursed Matsu? Would they be willing to apologize to him?
no subject
Just... It makes me sad to know that maybe everyone could have been friends if it weren't for the circumstances we are in. We didn't choose to be here and we'd be leaving with scars we didn't ask for.
[ Sometimes you are just a bleeding heart who likes everyone to different degrees, but it's still liking everyone. Fortunately, Vash understands there's nothing he can do about the complicated relationships of others. ]
You mean on that Saturday... When he suddenly was feeling super calm or something?
no subject
Circumstances decide a lot of things, unfortunately. We could've all been friends, but in an even worse situation, we could've all been enemies. I know that it's probably not the best thing to say but... well, you're right that this is what we've got.
And it's fine to be pissed off at the cause of it all. Or sad that it had to happen this way. I feel a little bit of both.
[but he nods]
I obviously didn't see it - but I heard it was your team. Since we were talking about bridges and all... I don't want this one to burn. I just think that people should start apologizing more around here...
no subject
Weird enough, this is less hectic than back at home, but... More of an emotional undertaking because you're stuck with the same people for weeks.
[ Anyway... ]
I know Nahri's usage was on Shenhe because she wanted to stay calm at trial—which people cured, anyway. [ Feels. bad. ] I only cursed Matsui after Monika cured him, just that he didn't have murderous intent until execution. Dunno about the one before me.
I was thinking of telling Matsui at the end of all this myself, but... If we have some days to rest up and relax a little, I might just do it earlier.
no subject
[buzen truly thinks war is both easier and harder than all this. but such is the way of... afterlife?
his expression wrinkles slightly with unhappiness, but after searching vash's face for a moment he nods]
That's one... I'm still looking for the other, then.
Please apologize to him sometime before we all leave then. I know you meant well, but you still took something from him. Rang's still mad at you, but there might be no helping that one.
no subject
I don't mind that Rang is mad at me, or if everyone becomes mad at me. I'm used to it.
[ Just to put that aside. ]
Are apologies empty if people aren't remorseful? I don't like using these curses, but if I had the choice to make sure we could avoid another death by taking away someone's choice, then I would make that choice each time.
I feel bad about it, but I don't have regrets. Is an apology, when I feel that way, worth anything?
[ Vash is just being sincere. He can understand apologizing for small things just to move on, but this seems serious to everyone. ]
no subject
Well, I don't want you to lie.
If you feel bad about it, that's - [his brow furrows, his words getting weighed in real time] ... It's not enough for me, but I'd rather know how you feel about it, if that makes sense.
I disagree with you - but it's only because of what we are. Because we spent so much of existence not being able to make choices, it stings extra to have one more taken even after we've had these forms. But... that's your choice.
[to take away agency from someone else. even if it bothers buzen, it's not like he can't see the logic of it. he knows, logically, that it's only harder for him to let go of it because it's matsui.]
... talk to him about it then. As long as you don't lie, I won't get any angrier. Even if you're used to it, I don't want to be mad at you, Va-san.
no subject
It's not an excuse. As you said, it's a choice. I didn't want to see more violence, that's it.
[ He's firm on this. ]
I'll definitely talk to him, but your choice to be mad is yours. Whatever happens, happens.