[ Vash is quiet, but he gets it. He knows how Nahida feels because they're similar in this regard and he's seen it enough in TWO TRIALS. They've spoken, too. Hard to turn the other way and pretend you don't see it. ]
Sorry. [ He'll pass that first because what he said must just be a bad reminder. ] She feels responsible for her team and those who come from her world. I don't think being an archon helps, either.
It's okay. [He doesn't mind. He doesn't love it, of course, but he can talk about it. It's nothing he doesn't know anyway.] ...We weren't quite ourselves when we came back on Thursday. She told me she thought she was a failure of an archon. At the time, I thought someone had said that to her, but now I think it might just be how she feels.
[He would never say this to someone he didn't trust, even though she said it in front of others; even now, it feels a little like betraying her to mention it.]
... I think so, too. It sounded like to me she wasn't able to be with her people as much as she wanted to, but that's not a fault of hers in my opinion.
[ But Vash again is from a world where there is no divine force interfering. It's just mankind and their consequences. ]
[They really should be they'd all be doing much better if he was here]
No, it wasn't. [And there's some guilt, there; but not all that much, maybe surprisingly. He beats himself up enough for plenty of things all the time--but this is something he had no hand in either way, really. It's a little harder with her here now, all the time, but he's never forgotten that she's not really a normal little girl.
He won't disagree with that, though. It is rough.]
...I want her to make it back safely. Sumeru needs her. But I can't stand the thought of my life coming at the cost of everyone else's.
[And they've talked about loopholes, about finding some alternative--and he wants to cling to that, he really does. He won't stop trying. It just feels so much harder to hold onto it right now.]
[ Their situation really iS GRIM. Kaveh knows that Vash feels the same and, honestly, he doesn't want to face the reality of it even if it comes to mind every new week. It's difficult not to see it as every person erased is the reason you're "alive." The weight is sometimes too hard to hide from others. ]
At the moment, we can't change the situation we're in. Many of us have something to return to, all important.
[ Because he even thinks the smallest reason to go back is enough. Everyone deserves to live (except for some of us).
Vash can say this as a fact. As much as he has optimism and hopes, he isn't going to repeat them again to someone who already heard them before. As of this moment, they have nothing. ]
What we can do is offer kindness to those who need it while we keep searching for another way out.
[ Assuage grief, pain, and soften the end if that is what it has come to. ]
["Everyone deserves to live (except for some of us)" is truly the vibe, though. How are they supposed to live, laugh, self-sacrifice in these conditions, goddamn.
It's a helpful reminder, though. It's so easy to feel shackled to survival on days like this. But he's already decided not to take himself out of the competition to give the others a leg up. At least not yet. So if he's going to stay, then the least he can do is keep his promise to be there. To deserve the trust that's been put in him.
He reaches over, squeezing Vash's wrist in a gesture of acknowledgment and solidarity.]
Thank you, Vash. You're right. [He takes a deep breath.] They'll need us.
[Squishes Vash's wrist like a Tiktok slime account]
Yes, so will I. [Kaveh's got a thousand issues but confidence usually isn't one of them, at all.] But we have to at least make an effort, or they'll never stop yelling at us.
["Who's they" the like 5 people in this game who aren't self-sacrificing like they are, apparently]
But that makes him smile, at least, if only a little. He's truly so fond of the triguns, god. Although honestly he kind of thinks this statement could also be about Shenhe.
Nonetheless:]
I don't think that would happen. They wouldn't go that easy on you. [Erasing Vash is just letting him win...]
I sort of assumed Shenhe is the type to want to keep you where she can hit you with her sign, for instance. [Instead of, like, smothering him with a pillow in frustration... though he looks uncertain, now, like he's worried he misstepped.] Unless that's not what you meant?
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Sorry. [ He'll pass that first because what he said must just be a bad reminder. ] She feels responsible for her team and those who come from her world. I don't think being an archon helps, either.
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It's okay. [He doesn't mind. He doesn't love it, of course, but he can talk about it. It's nothing he doesn't know anyway.] ...We weren't quite ourselves when we came back on Thursday. She told me she thought she was a failure of an archon. At the time, I thought someone had said that to her, but now I think it might just be how she feels.
[He would never say this to someone he didn't trust, even though she said it in front of others; even now, it feels a little like betraying her to mention it.]
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... I think so, too. It sounded like to me she wasn't able to be with her people as much as she wanted to, but that's not a fault of hers in my opinion.
[ But Vash again is from a world where there is no divine force interfering. It's just mankind and their consequences. ]
You're in a rough spot, Kaveh.
[ One of her people and all. ]
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No, it wasn't. [And there's some guilt, there; but not all that much, maybe surprisingly. He beats himself up enough for plenty of things all the time--but this is something he had no hand in either way, really. It's a little harder with her here now, all the time, but he's never forgotten that she's not really a normal little girl.
He won't disagree with that, though. It is rough.]
...I want her to make it back safely. Sumeru needs her. But I can't stand the thought of my life coming at the cost of everyone else's.
[And they've talked about loopholes, about finding some alternative--and he wants to cling to that, he really does. He won't stop trying. It just feels so much harder to hold onto it right now.]
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At the moment, we can't change the situation we're in. Many of us have something to return to, all important.
[ Because he even thinks the smallest reason to go back is enough. Everyone deserves to live (except for some of us).
Vash can say this as a fact. As much as he has optimism and hopes, he isn't going to repeat them again to someone who already heard them before. As of this moment, they have nothing. ]
What we can do is offer kindness to those who need it while we keep searching for another way out.
[ Assuage grief, pain, and soften the end if that is what it has come to. ]
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It's a helpful reminder, though. It's so easy to feel shackled to survival on days like this. But he's already decided not to take himself out of the competition to give the others a leg up. At least not yet. So if he's going to stay, then the least he can do is keep his promise to be there. To deserve the trust that's been put in him.
He reaches over, squeezing Vash's wrist in a gesture of acknowledgment and solidarity.]
Thank you, Vash. You're right. [He takes a deep breath.] They'll need us.
[They know what it's like to be the survivors.]
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Just try not to burn yourself out, okay?
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I'll try if you will.
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I'll be fiiiine.
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Yes, so will I. [Kaveh's got a thousand issues but confidence usually isn't one of them, at all.] But we have to at least make an effort, or they'll never stop yelling at us.
["Who's they" the like 5 people in this game who aren't self-sacrificing like they are, apparently]
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[ his left wrist is quite... hard and stiff... ]
I guess I'd also like to not be erased in my sleep.
[ Since Wolfwood is in his team. ]
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But that makes him smile, at least, if only a little. He's truly so fond of the triguns, god. Although honestly he kind of thinks this statement could also be about Shenhe.
Nonetheless:]
I don't think that would happen. They wouldn't go that easy on you. [Erasing Vash is just letting him win...]
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Excuse me?
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[ The realization. ]
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he just
pats his wrist again]
Good luck.
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