[HELP x2 Kaveh wouldn't eat slugs for him but he does understand the vibe, at least. He sighs softly.]
...I'm glad he's had you two with him.
[It's complicated, he knows. Livio's told him about how this place, despite everything that's happened, has given him back things he'd lost--how he can't hate that he's had more time with people he cares so much about. And Kaveh knows, from all his conversations with the three of them, that life isn't really any easier in their homeland. Still, it's very hard for him to look away from all the pain and suffering that's come along with this second chance. He can't say he'd never wish this place on them, exactly--but he does wish that they'd been able to have their time together without all the burdens that have come with their roles here.]
... Our world is some level of a hellhole, but we do have each other. This place, too. Livio made a lot of good friends here—and I'm grateful for that.
[ This place may be less murderous than NML, but it's definitely more emotionally taxing. Being with the same people for eight weeks is learning heavier loss all over again.
But there are good memories here alongside the bad. He can try to keep holding onto that... Because what else can they do? Death didn't come for them. They're still here. ]
[Aww, Vash. Kaveh smiles slightly, but it's tinged with melancholy. It's true--Kaveh never managed to see the others as opponents to be defeated. He'd said, weeks ago, that he almost wished more of them were cold-blooded and ruthless, that it would make it easier to resist the urge to get attached--but even that, really, was just a useless lament. It wouldn't have worked. Kaveh just isn't that sort of person.]
Of course! [Quickly, easily.] But I know it's not quite the same thing.
[ Maybe it would make it easier for Kaveh, but Vash would still be a pacifist and he'd be sad over these twitter meow meows. ]
We don't have a lot of friends back at home, so...! That friend confession meant a lot, I'm sure. [ Hehe. He offers Kaveh his drink. ] Did you get to do the same for Wolfwood?
[Now I'm just picturing Vash amongst the superhell graveyard full of absolute stinkers.
I also abandoned the party log because I'm weak, but Kaveh's reaction to this idea of Vash not having friends is the same now as it would've been yesterday--a sympathetic glance, but no commentary as he leans over to take another sip of Vash's drink. He suspects he understands what Vash means, or at least a part of it; Kaveh isn't so dissimilar, and he knows that beyond that, Vash is bound, at least in part, by the burden of what he is.]
That what? [IT WAS SO LONG AGO... he blinks, but after a little thought, he realizes what Vash is talking about.] Oh, right. Well--you know. He's looked out for me a great deal, after all. [The least Kaveh could do was support him, however pitifully he could. Aside from the fact that he simply enjoys Livio's company.
As for the rest--there's a blip of complicated emotion, but it's gone quickly. Kaveh ignores it, though the question makes him snort.]
Livio's a good guy... Sometimes, I think he forgets that.
[ IT'S OKAY. Friends came up here again anyway. It's difficult to feel close to others, isn't it? When you put on a smile that is empty, shouldering the pain, it's also a barrier. ]
Wolfwood is extremely allergic. I remember being sincere one time and he called me gross.
[ Curiosity, though, for that blip of complicated emotion when Wolfwood is in topic. Can anyone blame him? Wolfwood... Is gone. Kind of. And he's still allergic. Looong sip of the frap. ]
[Just based on some of the conversations they'd had--some of the ways Livio's reacted to things Kaveh has seen from him. Kaveh's done what he could to stand by him from the start, but despite what Vash says, he's not sure how much it resonates, since Kaveh's fully aware of just how much he still doesn't know about the three of them.
As for Wolfwood:]
Tch, that man. He called me stupid and sappy--actually, technically, he called you two stupid first, but then me. [SINCE IT STARTED WITH KAVEH CALLING VASH AND LIVIO SMART. Kaveh doesn't even know why he tries so hard to be tsun when one of the first things he'd said was that he had kids to get home to. He was doomed to never seem as stinky as intended, even if he's a pigtail puller.
But--ah. Kaveh's reminded of why he hated this week so much the first time--there's so much of his heart that he doesn't want spilling out. This isn't nearly as bad as the cesspool of negativity he carries around, but it still feels a bit like getting caught.]
No. [Quickly. Too quickly? He amends--] Nothing important. [...] I'm glad you two worked things out, though.
[He means it, too, with absolute sincerity. Regardless of anything else, he wants Vash to be happy. To know love. He deserves it more than Kaveh thinks he realizes.]
[ They're just all traumatized shelter dogs... Except Vash is more of a friendly wild coyote. Because they had so little, small things mean a lot. ]
Pretty sure that's an insult even if he placed Livio and I before you.
[ No matter his kids, Vash still thinks Wolfwood smells. They all smell to certain degrees, but he's seen their worst. This is an interesting turn because he can't say that this thought process was predictable. Nevertheless, his expression beams.
Gently, he nudges Kaveh's side. That quick rejection is too obvious. ]
I thouuught we were talking about friends? This kind of makes it sound like you have a crush on him!
[I say again WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM AAAAAAAA HE MADE IT SO LONG WITH ONLY ONE PERSON FINDING OUT AND IT WASN'T A TRIGUN
Kaveh is too used to being left behind by people he cares about for various reasons, so even though Vash's teasing is lighthearted, it makes his stomach curl in fear. He concentrates very hard on his coffee and edges away slightly, too focused on trying to stop his thoughts and feelings from leaking out to be super subtle. Is his face red... he can't tell... HE DOESN'T THINK SO BUT HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO CHECK... FCK]
We were talking about friends! And we are. Friends. [10/10 delivery Kaveh not awkward at all]
[ me here because i am not doing anything important ]
Your face is red.
[ That is enough of an answer for Vash, honestly. As someone who had loved Wolfwood before this place, feelings longstanding despite those same feelings were unknown to him at the beginning because he's a complete idiot... All he can feel is relief and gratitude that one of his favorite persons is appreciated and loved, too? Wolfwood has always saw himself distant from such affairs. Always casting a blind eye to how much others care for him. How important he is. How he would haunt them past his time.
Of course it's difficult for Vash not to feel insecure in his own way. He doesn't compare himself to Kaveh, but he simply thinks everyone is a better choice than himself... For who could be worse than a monster? He wants Wolfwood to be happy. Wants to be there and see it before his own time comes. That would have been enough for him.
But they've already made choices, promises, and while Vash isn't sure how well he will kill them (being old makes you semi-incorrigible), he doesn't let those insecurities take him. ]
Anyway, I hope he knows. [ There's a knowing smile with the next set of words. ] Time is nebulous, but it can be short.
[Unfortunately it is THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD right now for Vash to be such a sweet and loving person, because Kaveh kind of wants to shrivel up and die, but he also feels stupid for it because he knows, in the grand scheme of things, that this isn't as big of a deal as it seems. It's not like he's ever going to see them again after this, and they have so many other big things to worry about. Part of the reason Kaveh's kept this so close to his chest is because of everything they've gone through, week after week--even if things were much simpler, there's a good chance Kaveh still wouldn't say a word.
But things also, y'know. Weren't simpler. So it doesn't matter anyway.
His shoulders curl a little, and he's still focused on his coffee cup, cursing this place and its horrible effects in his head--but he'll at least look at Vash again at his words.]
I wouldn't do that to you. [Before anything else--it seems very important to him to stress that. It's not that he thinks Wolfwood would've responded favorably anyway, but that doesn't matter either; he cares about Vash just as much. He can't stand the thought of Vash thinking he'd betray his trust.
...Though, if they're talking about it anyway--] ...There was no time, anyway. First I thought you two were together from the start, and I only found out you weren't because of Shenhe, and then there was Kyoko...
[TRULY ANOTHER FACTOR IS JUST WOLFWOOD'S INSANE MESS OF A HAREM.]
... Shenhe and Wolfwood aren't real, unfortunately.
[ Saying unfortunately is a bad habit. Don't worry about it. He's WORKING on it. There's no comment on Kyoko because it is a little weird to face the fact that Wolfwood rejected her because he became soulmate engaged to him. It was a very weird thing to think about overall because Vash is terribly allergic. Thinking too deeply about romance involving himself makes him want to flee.
Overall, he seems emotionally weary. He would never consider someone being sincere about their feelings because they want to get it off their chest as a betrayal. If Wolfwood, however, accepted or something, then I guess? Granted Vash would also be "understandable, I'm garbage."
There's a shrug! ]
Either way! Good to tell people that they're important.
Don't say unfortunately... [HE'LL WORRY ABOUT IT!!! Though he's also saying that because he knew that, and because he's happy for Shenhe and Nahri. But also x2 WHY ARE YOU BOTH ALLERGIC. EXHAUSTING.
But... well. Yet another reason Kaveh never said anything is because he, similarly, doesn't believe he deserves love. It is, perhaps, part of the reason he's so resistant to Vash's insistence on Alhaitham's feelings; Kaveh already tears himself up over the way he destroyed their relationship, and he's terrified of doing the same to what they have now. If Kaveh deserves anything at all, it's guilt and suffering. Nearly two months of assisting murderers, even well-intentioned ones, certainly did nothing to dissuade him of this belief.
He doesn't think any of that matters with this, though, because he can't imagine Wolfwood being interested in him anyway. There was just a laundry list of reasons he never said or did anything.]
...I did tell him I cared, though. [Just not about the dokis.] He didn't understand why I was willing to help you all.
[Though hilariously that was probably partly because Kaveh seemed like he was ready to march off to NML and try to suckerpunch Knives but y'know. The point stands.]
[ VASH IS DOING HIS BEST. HE HAS MADE HIS CHOICE... And he is working towards building his self-worth at least on that front.
The murders here are a different flavor, so he can't fault the many who raised a blade likewise others who turned a blind eye. They really are just shouldering different levels of guilts. Someone please help.
Unfortunately, Kaveh painted a different picture of how he feels about Alhaitham and their separation. Vash never thought to press too much since Kaveh always seemed confident on anything related to Alhaitham. ]
People don't really do things for free in No Man's Land, so I wouldn't take his comment too personally. [ They're guarded people for reasons. ] If that's the case! I'm glad he knows.
[ Vash isn't going to push for Kaveh to confess unless he wants to, but sometimes it's just good to get things off your chest. ]
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[ help ]
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Why did you eat them?!
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[ They're just survivalist raccoons. ]
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...You don't need to do that here. The regular food is free.
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[ he ate slug for him I guess ]
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...I'm glad he's had you two with him.
[It's complicated, he knows. Livio's told him about how this place, despite everything that's happened, has given him back things he'd lost--how he can't hate that he's had more time with people he cares so much about. And Kaveh knows, from all his conversations with the three of them, that life isn't really any easier in their homeland. Still, it's very hard for him to look away from all the pain and suffering that's come along with this second chance. He can't say he'd never wish this place on them, exactly--but he does wish that they'd been able to have their time together without all the burdens that have come with their roles here.]
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[ This place may be less murderous than NML, but it's definitely more emotionally taxing. Being with the same people for eight weeks is learning heavier loss all over again.
But there are good memories here alongside the bad. He can try to keep holding onto that... Because what else can they do? Death didn't come for them. They're still here. ]
You're his friend too, right?
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Of course! [Quickly, easily.] But I know it's not quite the same thing.
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We don't have a lot of friends back at home, so...! That friend confession meant a lot, I'm sure. [ Hehe. He offers Kaveh his drink. ] Did you get to do the same for Wolfwood?
[ Vash just assumes they're friends. ]
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I also abandoned the party log because I'm weak, but Kaveh's reaction to this idea of Vash not having friends is the same now as it would've been yesterday--a sympathetic glance, but no commentary as he leans over to take another sip of Vash's drink. He suspects he understands what Vash means, or at least a part of it; Kaveh isn't so dissimilar, and he knows that beyond that, Vash is bound, at least in part, by the burden of what he is.]
That what? [IT WAS SO LONG AGO... he blinks, but after a little thought, he realizes what Vash is talking about.] Oh, right. Well--you know. He's looked out for me a great deal, after all. [The least Kaveh could do was support him, however pitifully he could. Aside from the fact that he simply enjoys Livio's company.
As for the rest--there's a blip of complicated emotion, but it's gone quickly. Kaveh ignores it, though the question makes him snort.]
Apparently, sincerity gives him hives.
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[ IT'S OKAY. Friends came up here again anyway. It's difficult to feel close to others, isn't it? When you put on a smile that is empty, shouldering the pain, it's also a barrier. ]
Wolfwood is extremely allergic. I remember being sincere one time and he called me gross.
[ Curiosity, though, for that blip of complicated emotion when Wolfwood is in topic. Can anyone blame him? Wolfwood... Is gone. Kind of. And he's still allergic. Looong sip of the frap. ]
Something up?
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[Just based on some of the conversations they'd had--some of the ways Livio's reacted to things Kaveh has seen from him. Kaveh's done what he could to stand by him from the start, but despite what Vash says, he's not sure how much it resonates, since Kaveh's fully aware of just how much he still doesn't know about the three of them.
As for Wolfwood:]
Tch, that man. He called me stupid and sappy--actually, technically, he called you two stupid first, but then me. [SINCE IT STARTED WITH KAVEH CALLING VASH AND LIVIO SMART. Kaveh doesn't even know why he tries so hard to be tsun when one of the first things he'd said was that he had kids to get home to. He was doomed to never seem as stinky as intended, even if he's a pigtail puller.
But--ah. Kaveh's reminded of why he hated this week so much the first time--there's so much of his heart that he doesn't want spilling out. This isn't nearly as bad as the cesspool of negativity he carries around, but it still feels a bit like getting caught.]
No. [Quickly. Too quickly? He amends--] Nothing important. [...] I'm glad you two worked things out, though.
[He means it, too, with absolute sincerity. Regardless of anything else, he wants Vash to be happy. To know love. He deserves it more than Kaveh thinks he realizes.]
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Pretty sure that's an insult even if he placed Livio and I before you.
[ No matter his kids, Vash still thinks Wolfwood smells. They all smell to certain degrees, but he's seen their worst. This is an interesting turn because he can't say that this thought process was predictable. Nevertheless, his expression beams.
Gently, he nudges Kaveh's side. That quick rejection is too obvious. ]
I thouuught we were talking about friends? This kind of makes it sound like you have a crush on him!
[ And what's with this jump? ]
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Kaveh is too used to being left behind by people he cares about for various reasons, so even though Vash's teasing is lighthearted, it makes his stomach curl in fear. He concentrates very hard on his coffee and edges away slightly, too focused on trying to stop his thoughts and feelings from leaking out to be super subtle. Is his face red... he can't tell... HE DOESN'T THINK SO BUT HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO CHECK... FCK]
We were talking about friends! And we are. Friends. [10/10 delivery Kaveh not awkward at all]
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Your face is red.
[ That is enough of an answer for Vash, honestly. As someone who had loved Wolfwood before this place, feelings longstanding despite those same feelings were unknown to him at the beginning because he's a complete idiot... All he can feel is relief and gratitude that one of his favorite persons is appreciated and loved, too? Wolfwood has always saw himself distant from such affairs. Always casting a blind eye to how much others care for him. How important he is. How he would haunt them past his time.
Of course it's difficult for Vash not to feel insecure in his own way. He doesn't compare himself to Kaveh, but he simply thinks everyone is a better choice than himself... For who could be worse than a monster? He wants Wolfwood to be happy. Wants to be there and see it before his own time comes. That would have been enough for him.
But they've already made choices, promises, and while Vash isn't sure how well he will kill them (being old makes you semi-incorrigible), he doesn't let those insecurities take him. ]
Anyway, I hope he knows. [ There's a knowing smile with the next set of words. ] Time is nebulous, but it can be short.
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But things also, y'know. Weren't simpler. So it doesn't matter anyway.
His shoulders curl a little, and he's still focused on his coffee cup, cursing this place and its horrible effects in his head--but he'll at least look at Vash again at his words.]
I wouldn't do that to you. [Before anything else--it seems very important to him to stress that. It's not that he thinks Wolfwood would've responded favorably anyway, but that doesn't matter either; he cares about Vash just as much. He can't stand the thought of Vash thinking he'd betray his trust.
...Though, if they're talking about it anyway--] ...There was no time, anyway. First I thought you two were together from the start, and I only found out you weren't because of Shenhe, and then there was Kyoko...
[TRULY ANOTHER FACTOR IS JUST WOLFWOOD'S INSANE MESS OF A HAREM.]
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[ Saying unfortunately is a bad habit. Don't worry about it. He's WORKING on it. There's no comment on Kyoko because it is a little weird to face the fact that Wolfwood rejected her because he became soulmate engaged to him. It was a very weird thing to think about overall because Vash is terribly allergic. Thinking too deeply about romance involving himself makes him want to flee.
Overall, he seems emotionally weary. He would never consider someone being sincere about their feelings because they want to get it off their chest as a betrayal. If Wolfwood, however, accepted or something, then I guess? Granted Vash would also be "understandable, I'm garbage."
There's a shrug! ]
Either way! Good to tell people that they're important.
[ Gen important, not romantic important. ]
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But... well. Yet another reason Kaveh never said anything is because he, similarly, doesn't believe he deserves love. It is, perhaps, part of the reason he's so resistant to Vash's insistence on Alhaitham's feelings; Kaveh already tears himself up over the way he destroyed their relationship, and he's terrified of doing the same to what they have now. If Kaveh deserves anything at all, it's guilt and suffering. Nearly two months of assisting murderers, even well-intentioned ones, certainly did nothing to dissuade him of this belief.
He doesn't think any of that matters with this, though, because he can't imagine Wolfwood being interested in him anyway. There was just a laundry list of reasons he never said or did anything.]
...I did tell him I cared, though. [Just not about the dokis.] He didn't understand why I was willing to help you all.
[Though hilariously that was probably partly because Kaveh seemed like he was ready to march off to NML and try to suckerpunch Knives but y'know. The point stands.]
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The murders here are a different flavor, so he can't fault the many who raised a blade likewise others who turned a blind eye. They really are just shouldering different levels of guilts. Someone please help.
Unfortunately, Kaveh painted a different picture of how he feels about Alhaitham and their separation. Vash never thought to press too much since Kaveh always seemed confident on anything related to Alhaitham. ]
People don't really do things for free in No Man's Land, so I wouldn't take his comment too personally. [ They're guarded people for reasons. ] If that's the case! I'm glad he knows.
[ Vash isn't going to push for Kaveh to confess unless he wants to, but sometimes it's just good to get things off your chest. ]